Are You Gonna Have Another?

So are you guys done or you going to have more kids? I cannot tell you how many freaking times people have asked me that.  As I smile on the outside, on the inside I’m yelling “None of your damn business!”  I still haven’t decided.  And by “decided” I mean that I still haven’t accepted the fact that Jonny is most likely right when he says he feels like there is another one waiting for us.  Either way, I do not want to talk about it at this stage.

DSC05357Is there another kid of future?  I don’t know, maybe.  But for right now all I can focus on is my life at hand and the three minions I’m currently trying to keep alive.  Motherhood, being the most rewarding and beautiful calling on earth, is freaking hard.  My first two, Sarah and Evan, kick my you-know-what a decent amount of time. Seriously, who would have thought that the newborn would be the easiest?  But then again all my kids were easy until they started moving; thats when it all went downhill.  Ironically, as I am sitting here, I’m listening to high pitch screams as my two oldest push and shove each other over a tiny pumpkin that is still left over from Halloween out in the front drive way. And down goes Evan.  Yes, we are those people.  We buy the pumpkins with every intention to have a great family night cutting up and creating fun creations and then the New Year comes in and the pumpkin is still sitting untouched outside.  It now sits on my counter top, waiting for me to possibly turn it into soup but inevitably it will go bad and get thrown into the trash.  Why am I sharing this you ask?  Just to illustrate the fact that my life is in a constant state of chaos.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love my life.  This is the chaos that I’ve wanted for years.  I’m finally getting a chance to stay home raise three beautifully wonderful, sticky, head-strong children while DH spends his days away from home bringing home the bacon, while attending school and serving at church.  Being a SAHM is a calling I have felt drawn to.  Nevertheless, chaos it is.  Fair warning, if you ask me the following: “So, are you guys done or are you going to have another one?” you may get hurt.  A throat punch, quick and unexpected may be in your future.  In reality, this may not happen but oh if you could see inside my head.  It’s hilarious.  The punch.  The look of surprise, mixed with pain in their enlarged eyes as my maniacal laugh echoes in the background.   Sorry you asked on a bad day.  Today’s goal is short and sweet- survival.

What is survival look like, you ask?  Everybody has their own version of surviving.  My survival looks like messy hair thrown into a bun, a makeup-less face and a comfortable oversized shirt riddled with a variety of bodily fluid and food.  Honestly, between the two older kids morning demands and breastfeeding my youngest, I’m lucky if I remember to put deodorant on for the day.  And if I can make it during the day without what can be  called a moment….I call it a success.
You must know what I’m talking about.  If you are a dad and mom then you not only know what I’m talking about but have likewise experienced it in one agree or another.  For those of you who are confused, a moment is that period/time when you are screaming bloody murder either out loud or in your head.  You are about to lose it; not knowing if you can take anymore.  At that moment, all you want is two inches of space or three minutes of alone time to go poop.  That moment is the thing that drives motherly guilt day in and day out….at least it does for me. 
Alright.  Alright.  I know that I sound like a big whiner and I totally hate motherhood.  That couldn’t be farther from the truth.  I love my life.  I love being a mom. I love my 3 children! 12562884_10153766597676043_2045338791_o-2
I love the pure look of joy, when their eyes light up as they  play together; especially when its peacefully play. I love it when the midgets are chasing each other around the house wrestling.  Their giggles are so infectious that you can’t help but smile along.  I love it when my lil’ man runs up to me with a huge grin, says “mommy” in the most endearing way then wraps his tiny, chubby hands around my legs in a giant hug, then immediately turns away to do the same with his baby brother and sister. Seriously, that kid is a lover.  How can my heart not melt when Sarah hands me a gift bag of her toys and reads me the note she wrote: “Dear mom, I love you so much [insert sweet inflection].  I got this gift for you because you are my best friend.” And cue the tears.  And I couldn’t not mention, the huge grin my three month sumo baby gets when he and I make eye contact.
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Those crazy, unique, little people and my sweet husband are the reason why I love my life and why I love my chaos.  If we decided to grace the world with another Kistemann you will know…promise.  Until then enjoy watching the circus and keep your questions to yourself.
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